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ladyloveandjustice · 3 days ago

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A Million Almosts- a Natsume Yuujinchou Fanfic

Here's the first part of the little fic about an older Souko and her feelings about Reiko I've been writing. It might be a while before I have time to do the second part, so, I thought I might as well post it and try not to put too much pressure on myself.

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A Million Almosts

It was such a long time ago. Why can’t I just forget about her?

When Kana suggested a family trip to the pastoral paradise Souko spent so much of her childhood in, Souko had agreed happily. And they were having a lovely time. Her granddaughter loved running through the unspoiled nature, screaming her little head off. Her daughter was taking so many pictures Souko wondered how she had any storage left on her phone. And her wife was just soaking it all in, asking Souko all kinds of questions about the time she’d spent here.

She should just be relaxing and having fun. It was silly how her stomach turned whenever she caught a glimpse of that forest, how she couldn’t bring herself to walk there with her family even though it looked as beautiful as ever, how she was so afraid of strolling to the next town over.

Why was Natsume Reiko still haunting her like this?

Of course, Kana noticed Souko’s sighs and frowns. Souko could never hide it from her when anything was wrong. “It’s been bothering you, hasn’t it?”

Souko flushed, ashamed. “I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t matter anymore. I just…I just want to know if she’s okay. If want to hope that her life got better after...me.”

Was it hurting Kana, knowing this was something she still worried about? How could she even be thinking of the past, instead of focusing on her wonderful present? Why was this regret as sharp and biting as ever?

But Kana simply took her hand, rubbing gentle circles on her palm with her thumb. “Souko, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's natural to remember your first love, and it's natural to want her to be happy. Did you think I’d be jealous? Honestly!”

Souko shook her head, eyes burning. “I know. It’s silly. I know you better than that.”

“I remember how relieved I felt I saw Emi again with that big grin on her face. I'd never judge you for wanting the same. You should go. You might not find anything, but either way, you’ll know you tried, and it will be a load off your mind.” Kana cupped her face, gently wiping her tears.

Souko put her hand over Kana’s and leaned forward, kissing her deeply.

So here she was, strolling through Reiko’s hometown, her nerves jangling. Now that she was here, she wondered what she should even do. The chances Reiko still lived here were very slim, and the chances Souko might just run into her on the street were even slimmer. Should she go around and just ask random people her age about Reiko? What had she been thinking, honestly?

She remember how lost and clueless she'd been when she first walked through this town as a child, trying desperately to find Reiko. Apparently she hadn't changed much.

She was just considering turning around and going back when a boy suddenly tumbled out of nearby grove of trees. He pitched forward as if he’d been shoved, fell head over heels down the grassy slope, and finally skidded to stop when he reached the sidewalk in front of her, knees and palms hitting the concrete. He hunched over, panting. Then suddenly his arm shot straight up in the air, and he cried out, jerking his arm like he was tugging on something. Then there was a gust of cold wind, one that made Souko shudder, and the boy dropped his arm. His whole body seemed to relax, but his breathing was still shallow and strained. He glanced over his shoulder.

The people in front of Souko had halted, and she could see people across the street staring too. A man in front of her asked if the boy was okay, and he nodded. Souko heard a mumbled “I’m sorry.” Then the man walked away quickly, giving the boy a ridiculously wide berth, even though the boy hadn’t moved from the ground and was clearly not okay. His head was bowed and he was shaking slightly.

Souko rushed forward, dropping to her knees. Her back protested at this, but she ignored it. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need to go to the hospital? I can help.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine.” The boy looked up at her and Souko felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

Golden eyes with curious cat-like pupils. Soft, fine hair framing delicate features. A perfect, carefully practiced smile. An ugly bruise on the forehead, and she could almost hear her voice saying “Don’t worry about it.”

“R-Reiko!” She gasped. She scrambled to her feet, stumbling backwards. The phantom of her first love had appeared, gleaming in the sunlight, looking just as she had the day she met her. What on earth was going on?

The boy blinked at her, stunned, and she came back to herself. No, of course it wasn’t Reiko. This was just a child who looked painfully like her. As impossible as it seemed, that was all it was.

She ran her trembling fingers through her hair, trying to appear calm.

“Sorry about that, you just looked like someone I used to—"

But the boy’s eyes widened and he looked up at her intently.

“You knew my grandmother?”

“Grand…mother?” she said faintly.

The boy’s expression had transformed. from practiced politeness to something raw and eager. “My name is Natsume Takashi. Natsume Reiko was my grandmother. Did you know her?”

“Oh…” Souko breathed. A grandson. Of course. Reiko had grown old just as she had, and had a family now, just like she did. A twinge of nostalgia and excitement rushed through her. That meant Reiko had people she loved, surely. Just like Souko had always hoped, Reiko wasn’t alone anymore. Maybe she was even happy.

She couldn’t imagine Reiko as a grandmother, but she wanted to see it, wanted to see Reiko with her grandson, gray in her hair and a smile on her face.

She smiled at Natsume Takashi. “It’s very nice to meet you. My name is Morinaga Souko. I did know your grandmother briefly, back when we were teenagers. It was a long time ago though, she probably doesn’t remember me—”

Natsume Takashi let out a loud gasp, jumping to his feet so suddenly that Souko stumbled back again. “You’re Souko?! You’re really Souko?!”

“Er, yes?”

The boy’s face split into the widest smile Souko had ever seen. It was almost blinding, that smile, so different from polite one he’d worn earlier.

It reminded Souko of the first time Reiko had truly smiled at her, right after she gave her the blue candy. It had been so warm, so dazzling, such a contrast to that empty, bland one she usually sported, the one that didn’t even reach her eyes.

That smile is the best thing I’ve ever seen, she’d thought at the time. I want to make her smile like that until it’s as natural as breathing to her, until she never needs to fake a smile again. I want to see that smile for the rest of my life.

She imagined, she hoped, that Natsume Takashi had learned his smile from Reiko. That she smiled at him like that all the time.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve always hoped I’d meet you one day!” The boy was practically vibrating with excitement, for some reason.

“I…I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You’ve heard about me?”

Just then, she was interrupted by a grumpy meow. The strangest cat she’d ever seen was stalking out of the grove of trees and down the grassy slope. Its head was enormous, almost the size of his bowling ball shaped body. She had no idea how it wasn’t snapping his little neck—if it had one at all.

Natsume Takashi didn’t seem bothered by its appearance. “Nyanko-sensei!” he called out to it. Was that seriously what he’d named the cat? “Nyanko-sensei, look! It’s Souko! Can you believe it!”

The cat made a grumbling sound like it was actually conversing with the boy, and Souko couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing.

Natsume Takashi flushed. “Ah, sorry. That must have seemed strange…”

“I like talking to my cat too, don’t worry. But it’s like yours actually answers back! How cute.” Souko wiped her eyes, and a genuine smile returned to the boy’s face.

The cat reached the boy, and it climbed up on him and settled onto his shoulder, making her laugh more. But then the cat gave her a long look, its unsettling pitch black eyes staring a hole through her. She shivered slightly, and Natsume Takashi lightly bopped that cat on the head. “Sensei, you’re making Souko uncomfortable.”

Then he flushed again. “Oh, sorry! I-I shouldn’t be calling you that. I apologize for being disrespectful, Ms. Morinaga, I—”

“Souko’s just fine,” she told him. He looked disbelieving at this. “I mean it, you can call me Souko, your grandmother did. And what do you like to be called?”

“Oh, uh, people usually just call me Natsume. I understand if that’s confusing for you though, with my grandmother—”

“No, Natsume’s just fine. But could you tell me how you know who I am, Natsume? Did…” Did Reiko tell you about me? She wanted to ask, but then she got a tap on her shoulder.

“Have you not noticed all the people moving around you two? You’re blocking the sidewalk.” The woman’s tone was extremely nasty, a little over-the-top for the situation.

Natsume looked mortified and immediately started apologizing, but Souko simply turned back to talk to him. “There’s a park near here, I think. Would you mind if we went there to talk?”

“Of course not! I’d really like to talk to you.”

As Natsume nodded eagerly, Souko noticed that the bruise wasn’t the only injury he was sporting, he had some cuts on his arm, long thin scratches, and his nose was bleeding slightly. “We can also treat your injuries…I have some ointment and other supplies with me.” Her granddaughter was prone to mishaps, so she’d taken to keeping some medicine and bandaids in her bag.

Natsume’s cheeks turned a faint pink “It’s really fine. Don’t worry about it!”

Souko’s heart squeezed. He sounded so like Reiko. She’d always said the same thing when she’d arrived with random cuts and bruises. Like she was so used to such a thing it wasn’t even worth thinking about.

So Souko said what she’d wished she said back then. “Let me worry all I want. I just want to help you out.”

The boy looked a little surprised, but he nodded. The woman behind them cleared her throat, apparently incapable of walking around them, so Souko and Natsume got moving.

As she walked beside the boy, she couldn’t help but notice more similarities to Reiko. Little things she still remembered even after all these years. Like Reiko, this boy was incredibly alert. Not in a jittery way, he carried himself calmly just like she had, but whenever there was the smallest noise, his eyes would quickly flit in that direction. He’d scan around him, like he expected something to jump out at any minute. When they entered the park, he stared at an empty spot of grass for several seconds, even though there was nothing there, just as his grandmother had often done. He slipped into a casual protective stance, one she only recognized because she’d studied Reiko so intently in her youth. He shifted his weight, subtly shielding her, shoulders tense and eyes hard.

She’d always swooned when Reiko did this, but now she just felt annoyed that this teenager thought he needed to protect an adult from…whatever. She was getting up there, yes, but she wasn’t helpless. But she forced down her irritation. Maybe like Reiko, he wasn’t used to adults looking after him.

She sat Natsume down on a park bench, and he finally seemed to relax. She tended to him immediately, taking out her supplies. He looked sheepish, but submitted gracefully. She dabbed a little ointment on his bruise, cleaned his cuts, and put on band-aids on him. “I’m hope you don’t mind the dinosaur pattern. My granddaughter loves them”.

“I don’t mind,” Natsume laughed. His laugh was easy and light, another thing he shared with Reiko. Souko handed him some tissues, which he obediently pressed to his nose. She sat down next to him, and finally finished asking the question that had been burning this whole time. “How do you know my name, Natsume? Did your grandmother tell you about me?”

Natsume’s eyes lowered. “Not exactly. I…have something sad to tell you about Reiko.”

Souko’s heart sank. She somehow knew exactly what he was going to say. “Go ahead.”

“She…my grandmother passed away”.

Souko sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes burned. She couldn’t cry about this, it would be silly to cry over this, she’d only known Reiko for a short time, so many years ago. But she’d always hoped that she’d be able to apologize to her one day. That she’d be able to see Reiko’s happiness and Reiko could see hers.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Was it recent?” She hoped he didn’t notice that her voice was shaking. But the pity in his eyes told her he did.

“No. My grandmother died before I was born.”

Souko sucked air through her teeth. “How…how old?”

Natsume looked at her miserably. “I don’t know exactly, I’m sorry. I think it was probably somewhere in her mid-to-late twenties. Though it could be early thirties.”

“Mid to late—” Souko couldn’t help it, tears were falling fast down her face now. So young! So young! It wasn’t fair at all. Reiko hadn’t gotten to meet her grandchild. Reiko hadn’t been able to see her daughter grow up. She’s hardly had time to enjoy being an adult… Why did Souko get that joy, and Reiko didn’t?

Natsume dug around in his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. She was surprised at a teenage boy carrying one, but she took it and dabbed her eyes. Natsume looked at her sorrowfully.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about her so much.” He said softly.

“But, if you never met her, who told you about me?”

Natsume hesitated. “It was…a friend of hers. I’ve been going around trying to find out more about my grandmother, talking to people who knew her. She told him what happened, and he told me.”

That was surprising. She wondered if Reiko had told him about her bitterly, angrily. She wondered if Reiko’s friend and grandson knew how completely she’d failed Reiko. But even if that was the case, she was just glad Reiko had a friend to talk to.

“I need to tell you something else,” Natsume said, his voice suddenly urgent. She raised her eyebrows.

“What is it?”

“Reiko wanted to see you again. She came back to the forest the next day, and she waited the day after too. But then she assumed you weren’t coming back, and she never went back to that forest again.

Souko’s mouth fell open.

“She…she did?” Souko squeaked. She felt like her heart was going to burst and rip a hole right through her. She clutched a shaking hand to her chest. “I-I wanted to see her again too, I wanted to apologize so badly, but I got sick. I was in bed for two days, but I did come on the third day, I swear I did.”

Natsume nodded, like he’d already known that, which was strange. But then he said, “When I heard the story, I thought it might be something like that. Reiko…she tended to assume the worst.”

Her tears were falling thick and fast now. She was absolutely soaking the kid’s handkerchief. “You’re sweet to say that, but It was my fault, if I hadn’t said what I said…All this time, I assumed it must have hurt her so much she didn’t want to see me again, it hadn’t even occurred to me that we’d missed each other.”

“You couldn’t have known. And Reiko didn’t begrudge you either, I’m very sure of that. It wasn’t your fault you got sick. I’m guessing you came as soon as you could.”

“I couldn’t even walk far without collapsing the first two days…I dragged myself there as soon as I could, and I waited every day for two months…” She started laughing uncontrollable, hiccupping so hard it hurt her throat. “God, it’s so incredibly stupid, isn’t it? An utterly ridiculous misunderstanding!”

“Did I upset you by telling you this?” Natsume said. He was looking over her face anxiously, like he could unlock a way to fix her distress if he concentrated hard enough.

“No, no, I want to know the truth.” Souko sniffled. Now that the shock was wearing off, a strange warmth was filling her. “Reiko really didn’t hate me? She still…wanted to be friends?”

“She cared about you a lot,” Natsume said softly. “I think if she’d learned the truth, she’d have felt just as distressed. But neither of you were really at fault. It was just bad luck…and Reiko just gave up too quickly. It wasn’t about you. She was just too used to being rejected.”

It honestly didn’t feel real, learning Reiko hadn’t hated her for saying that thoughtless, awful thing. That despite the stupid gossip she’d believed too readily and parroted so cruelly, Reiko had still wanted to see her. Reiko had cared. If they hadn’t missed each other, Reiko would have heard out her apology, and maybe even forgiven her…

Even after these years, that comment had been one of her biggest regrets. She’d relived it over and over again in her mind, agonizing, wishing she could go back and change it. And Reiko’s grandson…her sweet grandson had lessened the weight of it all.

She wiped at her eyes one more time, trying to pull herself together.

“Thank you, Natsume. It means a lot that you told me this. Is it..is it all right if I ask you a little more about your grandmother?”

“Of course!” Natsume’s eyes lit up again.

Natsume’s cat—what was it, Nyanko-senpai?—had been watching them this whole time, almost as if he were listening to the conversation. But now he yawned, and settled down into Natsume’s lap.

“Is she related to you through your mother, or your father?” Normally she’d include “or are you blood related at all?” as her own daughter had been adopted, but this boy looked far too much like Reiko, it was obviously genetic.

“My mother,” Natsume said.

Souko wondered if Reiko’s daughter looked as similar to Reiko as this boy did.

“Would it be all right if I asked how Reiko died? You don’t have to answer if that’s too much.” But she longed to know. She hoped it had been something quick, something painless. She hoped it hadn’t been a drawn out, painful illness. And if it was, she hoped Reiko had spent that time with her family, getting all the goodbyes and love she needed.

Natsume’s face fell again, and he started fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie. She was about to apologize for asking, but Natsume said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how she died.”

“Your mother didn’t tell you?”

“My mother died soon after I was born. My father died when I was young too, so I couldn’t ask him if Mom told him anything.”

The boy said it matter of factly, in the tone of someone used to saying this. Souko’s mouth went dry. Her chest ached.

Not only had Reiko died young, but her daughter had too? And her grandson had lost both his parents? It was awful, truly awful. If both mother and daughter had died young, was it something genetic? An illness? Would it happen to Natsume Takashi too?

She didn’t want it to happen, not to boy who radiated kindness the way Reiko always had, but who didn’t mask it like Reiko tried (and usually failed) to do, who was full of obvious love for the grandmother he’d never met. Who carried such a terrible burden, but still looked at her with gentle eyes and comforted her about her small tragedy.

She was seized by a sudden desire to protect him, to rush him to the best doctors in the world, to fight anything that would dare hurt him. She knew Reiko would have felt the same.

But she controlled herself, wadding her shirt in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she said again, trying not to let how upset she was bleed into her voice.

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago."

She paused, her desire to ask more questions battling with her desire not to poke at this boy's tender spots. He seemed to notice, because he said, "It's really fine. Please ask any question you want."

She nodded. "...Do you know anything about your grandfather?”

She said it far too awkwardly. It wasn’t that she felt jealous exactly…it’s just she wanted to know Reiko had been happy with him, the way she was so happy with Kana. She wanted Reiko to have gotten the love she’d deserved. She couldn’t help but imagine what could have been, and she wanted to be sure whoever this man was, he’d given her a better life than she could have…

“I don’t know my grandfather either. No one knows who he was. He wasn’t around after my mother was born. Reiko raised my mother on her own.”

Her insides went cold. Her hands started to shake.

“He left her alone?” The pure ice in her voice startled Natsume.

“I mean, we don’t know that for sure!” Natsume said hastily. “Something could have happened to him. I’ve been looking for information on him too. And uh, I haven’t been able to find much, but I’ve found some things indicating that he might have been in a…dangerous position? Possibly a dangerous profession? I can’t say much more, but it seems complicated. So he might not have…abandoned her. I’m hoping he didn’t.”

Oh, he better have died or something else like that. Because if he didn’t, I’ll kill him myself. But knowing she shouldn’t tell this poor kid about her plans to murder his grandfather, she kept her voice neutral as best she could and said, “I hope so too.”

She couldn’t imagine anyone having Reiko in her arms and not treasuring her, she couldn’t imagine anyone leaving her behind…well, maybe she couldn’t talk, as she’d abandoned Reiko too, hadn’t she? She should have tried harder to find her and apologize to her. So it wasn’t like she could claim she hadn’t hurt her, that she would have made her happy.

But still, what kind of garbage man would leave someone as wonderful as Reiko? Leave her alone with no help raising the child he was equally responsible for! Why was it that Reiko had to endure abandonment, to care for her child alone, to die so young, while Souko was surrounded by love, had a wonderful family, owned a thriving flower shop—she felt like she’d somehow sucked all the happiness out of Reiko’s life, and stolen it for herself.

“Are you okay?” Natsume asked tremulously.

She forced a smile. “Yes. So, I take it there’s nobody else you can ask about your grandfather or her passing?”

“A few of my relatives might know, but I wasn’t in a position to ask them.” He smiled a bit ruefully.

Not in a position to ask? What the hell did that mean?

He seemed to notice her confusion and clarified. “I was passed around by relatives a lot when I was younger before I settled here. They generally didn’t like me asking questions or talking about…” he stopped, looking a little pained, and Souko’s heart broke for him all over again.

Reiko had never said anything, but Souko had sort of picked up she’d lived with relatives who didn’t like her. Maybe she’d noticed the signs because she’d been dealing with the same thing. It wasn’t that her relatives had been cruel to her, they’d just been…not very interested, and sometimes exasperated. It was always made clear to her that they were doing her dad a huge favor and she better be grateful.

So she’d bent over backwards to please them, doing all the chores she could, anxiously trying not to make them feel burdened or frustrated. But no matter how she tried, it never seemed to work, so she’d gone to the forest to be alone at times.

Had Natsume Takashi’s relatives been the same way? What kind of monsters would refuse to answer the questions orphan who was trying to know the family he never got to meet? And “passed around”—so none of them wanted to give this sweet, thoughtful boy who’d been through so much a stable home?

“Your relatives should feel ashamed,” she said fiercely. “They should have answered your questions. You deserved the answers.

Natsume looked briefly startled and then shook his head. "It wasn't like they were bad people. I was just a very difficult child, and it troubled my guardians, so that made it hard to talk."

The cat made a small "hmmph" noise, and Souko barely restrained herself from doing the same.

She suddenly realized who else Natsume Takashi reminded her of. Natsume was reminiscent of someone who wasn’t like Reiko at all. The way he apologized so quickly, for things that weren’t even his fault, the way he was always looking at her carefully, looking for any hint of sadness, anger, discomfort, and reorienting himself to make her comfortable, the way he made excuses for people that hurt him. He’d likely spent his life apologizing for existing, pushing down any unpleasant emotion, and blaming himself for the cruelty of others.

He was just like her when she’d been younger.

She could see the pain etched on his face when he talked about these relatives. The pain that was probably etched on her face, the same pain she’d seen in Reiko’s face.

What had they done to him? Anger flowing like molten lava inside her. Reiko would have never stood for someone treating her grandson like this. How dare they.

Natsume, of course, seemed to notice her anger and immediately tried to soothe her. “Like I said, the Fujiwaras- my foster family- are extremely kind. They’ve truly made me feel welcomed and cared for. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I… don’t think I could ever repay them.”

Souko let herself relax a little. It was true he seemed happy. He had far more confidence than she’d had as a child, and he was calm and content. He may be eager to please, but he wasn’t desperate. And she could tell he really meant it about his foster family too. The affection in his voice was almost overwhelming.

She hoped Reiko had been able to find that kind of refuge. Even though it seemed more and more unlikely with every thing she learned.

“I’m glad to hear that, Natsume. You deserve it. And a child repays a parent by finding their own happiness. That’s all I wanted for my daughter, and I’m sure it’s all they want for you.”

Natsume looked a little startled but then he grinned. “You're very kind. I’m glad I could tell you what my grandmother wasn’t able to. I’ve always wanted to do that, ever since I heard the story.”

Now it was Souko’s turn to fidget awkwardly. “Well, thank you for finding it out and telling me. I can tell you really care about her, even if you never met. Going around researching her like this is a big committment. Is it just because she’s your family or…?”

Natsume rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I…well, I found out she lived in this town and…well, we’ve got some similarities. Um, I think both of us lost our parents and lived with someone else. And you’ve probably noticed I’m a little…” He ducked his head, face going red as a tomato. “…strange.”

There was a slight shame in his tone she didn’t like. “All the best people are,” she told him firmly.

He let out a surprised laugh at this, and looked her in the eye again. “Thanks. It’s just, I know people felt the same way about Reiko, though. That people…said things about her.”

Myself included, Souko though ruefully.

“And well…I’ve found people who accept me. People who truly make me feel like I belong. I want to know she had that too. I want to know that, in the end, she was happy. I shouldn’t get to have all the happiness for myself.”

Hearing her own thoughts echoed back at her was startling. She and this boy truly had too much in common. But hearing him say it unlocked something in her. “You deserve your happiness. Reiko would want that for you, I’m sure of it.”

Natsume gave her a very gentle look and nodded. “You too.”

She looked away. So he’d noticed their similarities as well.

“It’s actually kind of selfish,” Natsume assured her, like it would be deeply wrong if she thought too well of him. “I think sometimes I wish for her happy ending because that means…well, all this will last for me too.”

“That’s normal,” she reassured him. “It’s normal to want that.”

He nodded slightly, rubbing his eyee.

She leaned back one the bench, feeling almost dizzy with all this information, and her guilt on digging so deep into this boy’s past. “I’m sorry, I know all those questions must have been overwhelming.”

“Not at all,” Natsume said hastily, before Souko could continue. “I’m glad you want to know so much about her. But um, could I ask you some questions too?”

Souko blinked. “Of course.”

Natsume ducked his head shyly, petting his cat.

“Well, since I saw—heard the story, I’ve always wanted to know if you were doing well.”

She’d expected a question about Reiko. Why was he interested in her? “Yes, I am. I’m very happy.”

“I’m glad,” Natsume said, his eyes shining. “Can I ask what made you come back here?”

“Oh, I decided to take a trip with my wife and our daughter and grandaughter.”

She braced herself. The chance he’d turn disgusted and hostile was sizeable, especially in a small rural town like this. Even in Tokyo, it was a risk, and she’d endured responses like “I mean she’s not your real wife, you know. Even if you got married overseas, it doesn’t count here. Those little certificates you get from Shibuya and other places aren’t real marriages either, you know.” And then there were the obnoxious comments where she had to force a smile and fend off with a light-hearted comeback. (“Wow, I would have never thought you were a lesbian by looking at you” “Yes, sadly we don’t come with manufacturing labels”). And even among those progressive enough not to say things like that, there was that moment of shock and awkwardness to contend with.

But there wasn’t even a flicker of surprise across Natsume’s face, it was like he’d already known this about her. “That’s great! I bet you have a wonderful family.”

“I do,” she said, still reeling a bit. Was she just really obvious when talking about Reiko? Or had Reiko…known? And somehow that had come across in when she told her story?

Well, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was this boy’s acceptance made her feel a little bit like Reiko would have accepted her. Even if Reiko had turned out to be straight (Souko was still unclear whether she was, she knew sleeping with a man didn’t confirm anything, she’d done that once herself, and her own wife was bisexual) perhaps she wouldn’t have shunned Souko.

“You seem so much more confident now too. You seemed a little shy back then—I mean, uh, that’s what Reiko told her friend.”

“I was definitely a shrinking violet compared to her,” Souko chuckled. “But, I became an adult, I had to fend for myself and I learned some confidence. My wife bought out a lot of my confidence too. She’s just as competitive as I am, so I had to keep up with her”.

Natsume smiled, “So you still like to play games? Like you did with Reiko?”

“Sort of. I save the games like the pebble throwing one for my granddaughter,"She laughed. “Kana, meanwhile , is absolutely obsessed with beating me at shogi. I keep telling her it’s never going to happen. Just like I’ll never be able to run as fast as she does.”

Natsume had that tender, wistful look about him again. “Souko, I want to show you something la—”

“Natsume!”

The boy whipped his head around and then waved to two teenagers in the distance. A tall boy with shaggy hair and a girl with a shoulder length bob were walking up the park path, and they made a beeline for Natsume. As they approached, Souko noticed the shaggy-haired boy was squinting at her suspiciously, for some reason, his eyes flicking tensely between her and Natsume.

“Taki! Tanuma!” Natsume said happily. “What are you doing here?”

“We were on our way to meet you! We’re doing a study group remember?” the girl named Taki replied.

“But I thought that was later—” Natsume checked his watch and groaned “Agh, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“Who is this, Natsume?” the boy called Tanuma said urgently. He was still looking at her with suspicion.

“Oh, this is Morinaga Souko! She was a friend of my grandmother’s!”

Natsume saying she’d been Reiko’s friend made her flush a bit. It was nice to hear, but it also didn’t exactly feel like the truth. But if Reiko hadn’t been a friend, what was she to Souko?

Souko was derailed from that train of thought by a little squeal from Taki. The cat immediately jumped off Natsume’s lap and ran for the hills with surprising speed considering it’s stubby legs and rotund body.

But instead of looking at the cat, Taki clapped her hands excitedly, beaming at Natsume and then Souko. Tanuma and Natsume looked flabbergasted by this, as if they’d just seen Taki throw away 100 million yen.

“A friend of your grandmother’s! Natsume, that’s so wonderful.”

Natsume smiled shyly. Taki turned to Souko now, and with a quick bow she said “My name is Taki Tooru. It’s nice to meet you.”

Souko responded likewise, still a bit taken aback by the girl’s enthusiasm.

“I lost my own grandfather, so I always treasure when someone can share memories and stories about him,” Taki explained. “Natsume, I’m so glad you can talk to someone who remembers her!”

Natsume shifted with embarrassment, but that soft sincere smile remained. “Thank you. I’m really glad too, that Souko was willing to talk to her about me”.

Tanuma had stopped glaring at Souko, and now was looking at Natsume with such deep fondness that it was a little bit overwhelming to watch. Most of the tension had left his body too, though he still seemed slightly on guard.

“Natsume, you’re the one who’s been helping me out,” Souko told him. “It means a lot to me that you told me what happened to Reiko, and how she really felt. It’s wonderful to know she has such a caring grandson. It sounds like you have something to do with your friends, but if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

Taki actually clasped her hands at this. “Thank you!” she said at the same time Natsume did. Tanuma unsuccessfully hid his laughter behind his hand. Natsume’s lip trembled like he wanted to start chuckling too, though he forced a stoic expression. Taki looked chagrined, but Souko patted her hand.

“I can tell you’re a wonderful friend. It was nice to meet you Taki.” Her eyes flicked over to Tanuma, wondering if she should say it was nice to meet him considering they hadn’t spoken, but before she could decide, he gave his own polite bow. “I’m Tanuma Kaname. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner.”

“That’s all right. Nice to meet you, Tanuma. You can both call me Souko.”

Natsune rose from the bench, looking a bit trepidacious. “Um, Souko, how long will you be staying around here?”

“Another week.”

“Would you mind…would you mind meeting up one more time? I want to talk a little more. There’s a few more things I want to tell you about Reiko…and something I wanted to show you.”

“I’d love to!” Souko said and his face lit up.

They exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet in two days. Tanuma and Taki told Natsume they could skip the study session if he wanted to talk more to Souko, but he shook his head. “I need to get ready,” he said cryptically.

Souko waved goodbye as the three kids left. As they walked away, she heard Tanuma whisper “what happened?” as he looked worriedly at Natsume’s bruised face. Natsume said, “the usual” with a wave of his hand.

Tanuma didn’t look any more satisfied with Natsume’s flippant answer than she would have been, and Natsume seemed to realize this, continuing “Souko patched me up, actually.”

“She seemed so nice” Taki said, still elated. “A friend of your grandmother’s! How long did that know each other?”

A friend. She thought as the kids voices grew distant, as they walked further and further away. It had been nice to hear Natsume say it, and it was nice to hear Taki say it…even if it wasn’t exactly true.

She and Reiko were an almost. Almost friends. Almost understanding each other. Almost two girls who fit their broken pieces together. There were a million almosts, a million things Reiko could have been to Souko—almost confidants, almost lovers… almost Souko’s first rejection, her first heartbreak, the first time confessing her feelings cost her a friendship….or she was almost Souko’s first kiss, first time, first awkward teenage romance. There was a completely different life she could have led, so many paths they could have gone down.

But they’d both taken their own paths instead. And on Souko’s, she had her granddaughter waiting, waving a stick with chubby fingers, demanding to see which of them could throw the farthest. She had her daughter, who would complain about Souko coming back so late and remind her they were all going to a drive-in movie, and there was Kana, ready to listen to Souko’s story, ready to crow she was definitely going to win at Shogi this time, ready to cuddle close to Souko and ask for comfort when she inevitably lost. She had her flower shop, the young girl she was training to take it over, her art, and her sewing circle…

She could only hope Reiko had something like that on her path too. At least she could take solace that a little piece of Reiko was living on, in the eyes and heart of Nastume Takashi.

She wondered what the boy was going to show her.

---

And that's it for now! I hope the conversation wasn't too tedious, I was just caught up in thinking what Souko's reactions might be to all the tragic details of Reiko's (and by extension Natsume's) life. It would be tough to have all that dumped on you at once. I could dither over it more, but it's a fanfic, I'm not gonna burn myself out over it.

Hoping to do a very short part two and then finish up the whole thing with part three. I'll just see how people respond to it I guess!

#natsume's book of friends #natsume yūjin chō #natsume yuujinchou #fanfic #reiko natsume #natsume reiko #souko morinaga #morinaga souko #takashi natsume #natsume takashi #nyanko sensei #tooru taki #taki tooru #tanuma kaname #kaname tanuma #my fanfic

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mylittleponyauprompts · 8 months ago

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An AU where Cadence can see the red threads that connect soul mates. However red threads are always subject to change due to how someones life has changed for them and around them. Sometimes someone can just not have a red thread. She always saw her Aunt Celestia without one, but recently a red thread has been spawning into existence for her. Cadence couldn't be happier, and has been trying to follow the red thread to it's end to find Celestia's soul mate.

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longagoitwastuesday · 4 months ago

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ngl it sort of pisses me off the way adults regard Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen at times. Which could be a very interesting and poignant point in a good way if well written, but as it is it becomes mainly just frustrating and sad in a negative way.

Nanami saying Gojo never cared about anything or anyone other than himself crashes interestingly with Kusakabe saying the whole situation was just all his fault because he refused to kill Itadori. The students are very aware of those aspects of Gojo's personality, but overall they seem to regard him with way more kindness and fondness even when at their rudest, not truly coinciding with either Nanami's or Kusakabe's views.

#Kusakabe's words are harsh and negative but there's some true and some logic to them #but in beholding the entire story and the whole context‚ especially with the flashbacks in mind‚ in getting to know the sweet kid Yuuji is‚#the reader is made to find Kusakabe's words a bit outrageous and cruel and Gojo's position becomes the obvious one like Nanami's was #Like Kusakabe's is too in a way since he too says no matter what it's always the adults' fault whatever the cause was #And following the story we see Gojo cared a lot about those kids and them keeping their youthful cheerfulness if in his very flippant way #That's basically his main constant thread. We see it at the very beginning in what he did for Yuta and how Yuta is so fond of him #We see him at the very end in a way too with the letters he left #And his entire motivation was changing the very messed up society to avoid the kids going through what he and his friends went through #and to prevent them from being lonely the way he felt he was. Ontologically alienated. Entirely othered #And of course it's in part him keeping people away like Shoko. Or even Yuta (though here again it's at the core of his action his attempt #at protecting the kids and trying to prevent them from growing too fast)#And of course this is motivated by his own experiences and in that sense not entirely a selfless act #But those things still don't negate that his goal was for the future kids to be... in a better situation than what he and his friends lived #So Nanami's words are very cruel and... blind. Of course it's possible that Gojo's way of approaching the problem is still something #Nanami would regard as selfish (but it could be argued that so is Nanami's)‚ or that Gojo's perception of Nanami's way of thinking #about him would be this negative. But what we see through the story absolutely contradict Nanami's words in that airport #And though both Nanami's words and Kusakabe's are negative in regards to Gojo‚ they in a way contradict each other #The kids' words and way of seeing Gojo is most of the time more... accurate? If also diverse among them #They see him like an idiot. They trust him. They think he's childish and annoying. They love him #They find him flippant. They know he cares about them. In a way they see both what Kusakabe and Nanami say about him #The negative. And the ultimate positive aspect at the core of it all. That Gojo did care and that Gojo did take care #and that Gojo risked and sacrificed a lot for them and that Gojo was doing this in great part because of his own past #Yuta perhaps is the one who sees it best but it's so interesting too the dynamic Maki‚ Yuuji and Megumi have with Gojo‚ his acts and antics #And this whole thing‚ this frivolous and even... cruel way most adults seem to regard Gojo and how it clashes with the kids' deep feelings #about him (beyond the initial 'he's an untrustworthy idiot' though those as well!') is super interesting and super sad and super juicy #OR IT COULD BE bc in the end all that happens is that Nanami says that and Gojo pouts comically or that Kusakabe makes that offhand comment #as if it held no weight‚ as if Yuji weren't present and had never agonised over it‚ as if Gojo hadn't lost his life trying to save the kid #And yes he risked more than his life but he was trying to save a kid bc another kid (bc Megumi!) asked. But maybe it didn't matter if no one #asked. He saved Yuta too. Of course he would have risked it all. In his mix of selfishness and selflessness. Everything is so juicy #yet the writing feels so dry and lame. There's no pondering. There's talk of guilt and grief without any true sense of grieving or loss

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mareestoermers · 9 months ago

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i think we are all forgetting something when we talk about how toxic patrick, tashi, and art are — or when we decide one is “worse” than the other. they all have moments of seeing right through it, seeing each other’s toxic behavior for what it is, and STILL want and need each other in this possessive, envious, visceral way.

1. in the way beginning, tashi is clearly flirting more with art than patrick, and patrick is visibly annoyed. art sees right through it and even challenges him like “okay, let’s leave”, and has this little smirk on his face because he knows patrick won’t give up on tashi.

2. tashi immediately sees the visible tension and love between art and patrick, and literally orchestrates their first kiss. she sees right through their repression, and even calls herself a “home-wrecker” but still entangles herself with them, especially patrick because he’s clearly the better tennis player at that point and that is tash’s ONLY true love. tennis. that’s what she desires most in him, and patrick knows that. he even calls her out on it in the dorm room scene. but they have this mirroring fire in each other that neither of them can give up, not until patrick breaks the balance and bails — tashi’s injury is literally a metaphor for the balance shattering between all three of them when patrick leaves her.

3. before this, patrick sees right through art trying to break them up, and even admires that quality — maybe even feels smug and flattered because art is jealous and feels left out from both tashi and patrick. patrick has known this all along, we saw it in the “tick-serve” scene, where he even swears to tashi he won’t tell anyone but he still tells art, who is desperate to feel a part of them and patrick wants that, too — even keeps that close intimacy with art that we see in the churro scene (swoon swoon swoon).

4. haven’t you noticed that arts desire to be great is only ever tied up in patrick and tashi? how he needs to beat patrick to win tashis affection, how he needs to win in tennis so that tashi can live through him, how he lives up to his potential in the ending only because tashi and patrick push him to it, in their little fucked up ways? he knows this — he even admits that he’s playing for tashi, that he knows she’s living through him. he even admits he’s playing a fucked up little game with patrick when they’re in the sauna. yet he still does it. again, he knows what’s happening, sees right through them — still does it, still loves them.

5. when tashi calls patrick to come pick her up he knows it’s not just to tell him to throw the match — and despite how she battles him about it, they still have sex in the car, because he already knows. he’s so fully aware of her and her game and he’s so willing to be caught up in it, the same as art.

just some examples of how they all have moments of clarity and agency and yet they still choose to be entangled in one another because they’re all fucked up in their own, individual ways, and they’re all living through each other for their own specific needs. arts is to be seen as worthy, as great, but only through their gaze. tashis is to have the career that was stolen from her. patricks is truly to be in love and in lust with both of them, because we even see that from the beginning that tashis love alone will never satiate him; it has to be arts love, too. that scene in the sauna when he thinks he’s lost it from art is the most sad and fucked up we ever even see patrick. on top of tashi asking him to throw the game — he’s so defensive of arts feelings.

in short this is an actual love triangle (and i would go as far as to see it as a polyship). you can’t erase one without the whole thing unraveling, and you can’t say one character was the “worst” without picking apart the motivations and pointing to the fact that their bad behavior was never a secret or left unchecked.

even at the end, patrick signals to art that he slept with tashi — art knows and they still have that intimate completion at the end, all three of them. art living up to his potential and embracing patrick fully (id argue this could even be a metaphor for embracing his bisexuality), patrick having both tashi and arts affection again, and tashi playing a phenomenal tennis match through her little white boys — in such a visceral, emotional way that she cries out like she did in the beginning and the last frame is her smiling.

in a fucked up way, they all get what they wanted out of each other.

#challengers #challengers spoilers #tashi duncan #art donaldson #patrick zweig #zendaya #mike faist #josh o'connor #luca guadagnino #text post

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ponderingmoonlight · 7 months ago

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Sanemi Shinazugawa falling hard for his polar opposite but is too subborn to confess until he does

Pairing: Sanemi x fem!reader

Word Count: 1,9k

Synopsis: Sanemi was never the type of guy who falls for something stupid as love. Especially not when it comes to his polar opposite, especially not with such a kind and gentle girl like you... Right?

Warnings: this is pure fluff y'all, reader and Sanemi being innocent babies, a tiny bit enemies to lovers

Thank you soo much for that cute request @blunderland, I just knew I had to write that asap hehe. Let me know what you think <3

There you stand with your stupid perfect face and smile so gentle that you could tame a demon with it. With worried expression, you bend over the little demon girl and inspect her wounds carefully.

“Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon”, you speak out while caressing her dark hair.

What a poor girl she is. And her brother…Your eyes drift towards the boy with the beat-up face. What he had to endure is truly unfair, too much to bear for a single person. He really lost his whole family apart from that one sister who got turned into a demon.

And now he’s fighting for the demon slayer corps.

“I admire you.”

Tanjiro Kamado’s eyes widen in utter surprise.

“There’s no need to admire me. Actually, I’m the one who’s looking up to you. You’re the first person who didn’t judge my sister because she’s a demon.”

“Demons were once humans too”, you explain briefly while gracefully getting up.

“And I refuse to see them as anything else until they prove the opposite.”

“What kind of fuckery is this, (y/n)?”, an oh so familiar voice barks at you from behind.

Sanemi Shinazugawa really seems like a man with a heart made out of solid ice with his hateful orbs gleaming at Tanjiro and his sister.

“Don’t you think they proved themselves more than enough, Sanemi? If Kagaya-sama agreed on allowing Nezuko Kamado to live and her brother to continue fighting for the demon slayer corps, there is nothing to question for us hashira.”

“Don’t touch that demon brat so casually”, he hisses through gritted teeth while grabbing your wrist tightly.

Your heart skips a beat when his bare skin touches yours. How ridiculous it is that you developed feelings for him. Out of all the other hashira, it was always Sanemi Shinazugawa before everyone else. Those rare moments of tenderness he shows from time to time, the way he worries about his comrades without expressing his true feelings to the world. His closed like a treasure, so gorgeous that you can’t take your eyes off him.

“That isn’t a very nice way to talk to our guests, Sanemi”, you reply softly.

Urgh. He can’t fucking stand you with that scolding expression on your face, how your other hand still rests on top of the head of that demon brat. Why do you have to be so sickening kind to everyone you meet? Why are you even a part of the demon slayer corps with that strange attitude of yours?

“Guests? Are you talking about those intruders? If it was for me, I’d rip both of your heads off without blinking-“

“Sanemi.”

Before he’s able to react any further, he finds his own face framed by your much smaller hands and eyes focused onto his so intensely that he feels his cheeks heat up in an instant.

Why…Why is he suddenly feeling so hot? He should slap your hands away, should show you your place-

“Trust me, I understand your anger. But they are innocent until they prove themselves guilty.”

Those calm eyes who never lose their composure, the eyes he threatened to get lost in countless times already. Why do you have to be so damn gorgeous?

Gorgeous? He furrows his eyebrows, body yanking away from yours instantly. There’s nothing gorgeous about someone like you.

“If you really think that you’re a fool”, he bites back before turning on his heels and storming away.

What the hell was he even thinking? You, gorgeous…Just because your eyes seem to sparkle in the sunlight or the way your hair looks like liquid silk when a ray of light hits it perfectly. Or maybe because of the way your uniform hugs you so well, because of your strength. Or is it the way you look at him?

Sanemi shakes his head vehemently. That’s absolutely ridiculous. You’re the complete opposite of him. How could he ever like you?

“I think Shinazugawa-san likes you, (y/n)!”, Mitsuri babbles out while making her way back with you.

“Really? It definitely didn’t look that way”, you reply with low voice.

Oh, how much you’d hope that someday, the wind hashira actually likes you back. Even though both of you are polar opposites, even though you might never be on same terms. You still somehow managed to fall hard for him.

“Don’t give up hope, (y/n)! I definitely caught the way he looked at you earlier!”

You smile at the girl next to you gently, how she starts analyzing every minor detail of your confrontation earlier on. Mitsuri always swore that there is chemistry between both of you.

“And I’m never wrong when it comes to love, you can trust me (y/n)!”

“You’re a fool for treating (y/n) like trash, Shinazugawa”, Obanai comments dryly while letting his feet dangle from the tree he’s resting on.

“What are you even talking about, huh? It’s none of your business how I’m talking to her anyway.”

“(y/n) truly has a tender and kind soul. What a shame it is you hurt her like that”, Gyomei adds, tears streaming down his face in waterfalls again.

“Are you too dumb to realize she has feelings for you?”, Obanai continues.

You? Feelings for him? He huffs out loud. Absolutely ridiculous, maybe even impossible. Why would someone like you fall for someone like him? Not that he’d care for you like that anyway…

“I don’t give a shit”, Sanemi finally mutters through gritted teeth.

“Shinazugawa, it seems like you have a type”, Gyomei declares all of the sudden.

Something inside Sanemi snaps.

“Are y’all actually too dumb to realize that (y/n)’d never want me? I’m actually so far away from being her type I might be on a whole other planet! It’s like everything I am is exactly what she doesn’t want”, he finally blurts out.

Sanemi’s heavy pants hang in the air while the eyes of Obanai, Giyu and even Gyomei are set on him.

“You should really start working on your self-esteem, Shinazugawa.”

“JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE Y’ALL!”

No, he can’t stand their bullshit anymore. Without listening to another word, Sanemi stomps away in the direction of his estate.

“(y/n) being in love with me? That I don’t laugh, why would I even care about that girl?”, he mumbles under his breath.

-a few days later-

Sanemi swallows heavy, orbs wandering up and down your body. You’re not wearing your usual black uniform and blooming haori. No, you look like a fucking goddess in that kimono and with those flowers braided into your hair.

“Do you think I look like too much?”, you question quietly, your own eyes wandering down your body in distress.

Maybe it was a mistake wearing that kimono for your meeting with Mitsuri. Of course, you knew she’d ask Obanai and Sanemi to accompany you. After all, it’s no secret that she adores the serpent hashira and knows too well about the feelings you hold for Sanemi. But now that you stand in front of him in something apart from your usual uniform, your confidence is blown away by the wind.

“You have to be kidding me. You look gorgeous”, Sanemi blurts out before thinking twice.

Fuck, did he really say that? You definitely think he’s a creep now. Maybe he should get going before it gets uncomfortable-

Your heart skips a beat, cheeks heating up in an instant. Did Sanemi Shinazugawa just call you gorgeous when he’s standing in front of you in that dark green kimono? How is it possible you’re never seen Sanemi in something apart from his usual uniform, that you never went out with each other?

“You look very handsome yourself. Dark green really suits you well”, you reply shyly.

Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same about you? No, that would be absolutely ridiculous, right?

“(y/n), actually there’s something I wanted to say you for quite some time now…” What the hell is he blabbering about? There’s absolutely nothing he has to tell you apart from how fucking annoying you are. You and your gentle voice, you and your captivating smile. You, the polar opposite of him-

“Oh, I actually wanted to tell you something as well!”, you reply a little too fast.

For a moment, you fear your knees might give in. Is this really the time to tell him about your true feelings? “Sometimes you have to be brave, (y/n), especially when it comes to true love! Confess to him!”

Mitsuri is the love hashira. She should know best, right? But what if you’ll make your relationship only worse by making him uncomfortable? What if he doesn’t even like you?

“Sanemi, I…I actually…I-“

“I love you, (y/n)”, Sanemi finally blurts out.

Oh.

There you stand with your opened mouth and blank mind. Did he really just say that? Maybe he didn’t mean it that what. But what if…What if he actually means it?

“You…love me?”, you breathe out.

“I know I’m your polar opposite and that I treated you like shit and I really don’t expect you to actually like me back. I just…wanted to let you know…”, the white-haired man opposite of you mutters while scratching the back of his head.

“But I actually do like you back…”

Sanemi’s eyes dart towards you immediately, his very own cheeks discolored bright pink.

“You…what?”

“I guess I was just never brave enough to let you know since I was sure you hate me…”, you mutter in response.

“Me, hating you?”

All of the sudden, you find his strong arms wrapped around your waist and his face only inches away from yours. You fail to breathe, your whole body refusing to function properly. That force of a man who never really seemed to care about you while your feelings for him were all over the place…He holds you so tight that your wobbly legs don’t have to carry your weight anymore, his usual so distressed orbs now looking down at you so passionately that your heart skips a beat.

“Do I look like I hate you?”, he challenges while pulling you even closer.

You expected a lot of things that could have happened today. Sanemi Shinazugawa declining Mitsuri’s invitation in the first place. Sanemi Shinazugawa keeping his safe distance to you. Sanemi Shinazugawa barking at you for being a blowhard. Sanemi Shinazugawa criticizing each and every little thing you do. But Sanemi Shinazugawa admitting his love for you, Sanemi Shinazugawa holding you tightly in his arms?

Not in a million years.

“I love you too”, you finally speak out.

“I actually did for quite some time. But I always thought you’d never like me back.“

“Well, here I am liking you back, idiot”, Sanemi mutters.

Is that a smile on his face? Why does it suddenly feel like his lips are moving closer? Oh, you thought about kissing that man countless times. Each and every night, you imagined what the privilege of feeling his soft lips pressed against yours might feel like. Is he rough, gentle? Did the wind hashira already share a kiss or two? Out of instinct, you close your eyes, allow yourself to get lost in his arms.

“Look what we have here. Seems like the two of you finally managed to admit your feelings”, Obanai’s dry voice jeers at you from behind.

Your eyes dart open immediately.

“No Iguro-san! You’re interrupting them!”, Mitsuri hisses.

“Are you too dumb to see we’re in the middle of something? Get lost, you fools!”

“I KNEW IT (Y/N)! I KNEW HE LOVED YOU!”

Tags: @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld

@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso @poketrainer2270 @chaoticwinnercupcake

@lees-chaotic-brain @wordskeeper @polarbvnny @sugu-love @ryva @baku2345

@komelrebi-san @kentocalls (your fic will be next) @barbuse @sunshine7queen @lavenderdrxp

@yaninnaacu @hopefulbelievertimemachine

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ridingthatd · 1 year ago

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◕◔ RYOMEN TWINS II

◔◕ itadorixfem!reader, sukunaxfem!reader, nsfw, heavy smut, twins breeding you, possessive, kinky asf part 2

sukuna ryomen. sukuna was never interested in anything other then aiming to evolve himself, becoming even stronger and ruling with immense power.

after all sukuna is the strongest sorcerer of a thousand years, and is known as "the King of Curses".

sukuna is selfish, cold-hearted, immoral, and exceptionally sadistic. while his brother itadori found humans amusing , sukuna thought the slaughter of women and children are just like maggots crawling around.

he never understood why his brother was so obsessed with humans souls- their emotions, emotions both him and his brother never felt.

fear. sadness. anger. jealousy. love- they were think they never got the taste of. sukuna never understood why would a man beg on his knees- broken knees to spare his so called wifes life, why would a man care about another humans life- as less as a pathetic woman's life more than his own.

he never understood that, until he met his little human- right you were his- theirs, he would end a whole nation if even one of their people dare to touch a single stand of your long delicate hair. and he knows his brother felt the same.

sukuna wanted to take you- have you, knot you with his seeds the moment he laid his dark eyes on you, his cock was hard-ragging demanding to fill your little pussy with his warm seeds, demanding to break your little pussy- tear it open with his two cocks.

his whole body filled with heat, as he stare at you bowing infornt of him- him and his brother, he was aware that his body was larger then any average human. but you- you were even smaller then an average human, he could take you right here, claim you right here and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, just cry out as his fat cock stretch both of your holes out.

at first it would be painful for your pretty little pussy to take his fat cock- you would beg him to stop, choking on your sobs but as soon as he hits the sweet spot in your womb you would start drolling, brain high, as you beg him for more- beg him to tear your little ass with his other cock.

sukuna smirks at his thoughts, he couldn't help the dark deep laugh he let's out as he glance at his brother- his brother that was clearly thinking the same thing as him, as he stare at their little loyal maid.

sukuna knew you were someone who will serve him and worship him, live under his shadow. someone who would be playful with him and be bratty on purpose, seducing him so innocently. he wasn't ever interested in sexual intercourse, more like no one caught his attention enough to have him as much as glance at them.

he lost count on how many woman's head he had beheaded off because of their pathetic in tempt to seduce him- but here you are innocently sitting on his lap, dress drenched with his cursed bath water, revealing your hard nipples as you gently scrub on his skin not aware of his hard cocks that were ready to devour you.

he chuckled to himself, you were so naive that you thought his filthy brother was a gentleman- an Innocent man, but in reality itaodori was a filthy as much as he was , a man who would steal your cute little panties while he claimed that he wanted to "help" you with the laundries, a man who would beat his cock raw as he sniff on your panties, he would go as far as taking your used ones just to stroke his cock with it.

sukuna wasn't any better, he sighs to himself as he lean in to sniff your scent, he was obsessed with how soft your body was in his big arms, his body always relaxed like he's in cloud nine as soon as your rosy scent hit his nose, he growls pushing his face harder into your plumpy breast, brushing his nose softly on your exposed cleavage.

as the loyal submissive human you are, you don't deny him your body, you simply continue your work on him- your hands massaging his hard sculp, running your delicate fingers through his pink locks, making him groan into you- you can feel the vibration through your body.

oh how much he loved this.

you wake up heat- heat running through your whole body, through your veins, it was like you were on fire- fire of pleasure, it stings so bad yet so good, it's like your body was boiling under hot water, the heat source comes directly from your cunt.

you felt something huge, something wet, something warm, something rough- stroking your pussy. once. twice. third-

you lost count, to focused on the sensation of your pussy burning, it was so so warm, so so wet you couldn't help but arch your hips into it, wanting more, whining as you feel it leave burning trail from your pussy to your ass, stroking- no licking at your hole.

you finally snap your eyes open pulling yourself up, realization hit you, you weren't laying on the bed sheets you were laying on something hard, you look down just to make contact with dark eyes, pupils thin, filled with lust- eyes who belong to non other then your master sukuna.

your body slumps back into sukunas chest again, whimpering as you feel two long-thick fingers shoved up your tight ass hole, tearing through you, you felt a warm chest being pressed behind your back- you're being sandwiched between two hard, muscles ripped chests.

a warm tongue peak out, licking the shell of your ear, making you squirm on the wet thing under you- the wet thing was non other then sukunas mouth stomach.

"our baby woke up" your master itadori mutter out, his hot breath behind your ear, his nose softly brushing your neck, as he leaves wet-sloppy kisses inside your ear, this way the only thing you can hear was the wet noises his mouth made.

you feel sukunas stomach-tongue circling your ass before going back to your pussy shoving it completely inside your sore hole making you arch your back against itadori chest, screaming as the long wet tongue entered your walls.

"no- ngh no- no to much" you choke out a sob as you feel sukunas tongue hit your womb circling around your sensitive spot that drives you crazy, it was to slippery, to wet, you felt to stuffed with his huge stomach-tongue, thrusting so fast inside your pussy.

itadori was still licking on your ear- it was soaking wet-sloppy soaking with his spit, everything was to much, you couldn't hear anything other then the wet sounds of itadoris tongue, and the sloppy sounds of sukunas tongue entering you again and again and again.

sukunas two lower hands trail to your hips, kneading them in his large hands before he hashly lift you up and slam you down his tongue making you cry out, "ah- ah- master- please no more" you beg for mercy.

"shh i know, i know let master take care of the sweet pussy of yours" he purrs out, as he watches the way your juice coat his tongue dripping down his stomach- you tasted like honey and he couldn't get enough, his tongue selfishly lapping on every single corner inside your pussy.

"fuck she's gushing her juice all over you" itadori hot breath hits your wet ear as he darkly speaks out, causing you to finally lose it at the sensation as he plugs your ass with his finger shoving them deep inside.

you shake, body giving up as you land on sukuna your face hovering over his, pushing your pussy- your ass more into them, as soon as you see the way sukuna was staring at you so hungrily as he slams your pussy into his tongue and his brothers finger.

you squirt- gushing out clear liquid, crying out as you feel your whole body shake, fingers holding into your master sukuna for dear life. itadoris finger still inside of you, shoved deep but making no movement while sukuna crazily continue rocking your pussy into him.

"yes! yes! fucking give it to me! all of it" he growls out, two of his upper hands grab your hair and lean it to his face just to suck on your lips, while he continue his brutal movement on your sensitive pussy.

another orgasm rips out of you, you feel like you could pass out, your screams were muffled out by sukunas mouth as he sucks, leaving them red.

"god fucking girl" itadori stoke your back leaving kisses on your spine while sukuna finally slow his movement, ripping his mouth away from yours, just to lick the tears that left your eyes.

sukuna flip you over- so he was on top of you, slowly pulling his tongue out of your soaked pussy, eyes darken as he looks at the way it was so swollen, it was barely recognizable, it was wide open leaking your clear cum and his spit out, he purrs satisfied at the sight.

itadori doesn't know why did he agree on letting his brother have you, but looking at you right now he doesn't regret his decision one bit. shoving his finger inside your beat up cunt, making you whine before he shove it inside his mouth groaning at the filthy taste.

sukuna leans over to you pressing his forehead into yours, you stif as you feel a rock hard warm thing brush against your ass, you open your eyes glancing at sukuna- your eyes widen as you see- not one but two of his fat cocks lining against your hole.

"you're going to take it like a good girl for master" he growls out before he completely tear through your tight ass, ripping you apart. two of his hand-mouth that was holding your hips down, lick up your waist leaving a wet trail before landing on your nipples, trapping them in his mouth, suckling on the hard bud.

you were sure the bed was going to break, from how hard sukuna was thrusting into your ass, your voice was caught in your throat, eyes crossed, mouth hanging open causing spit to leave it.

"we can't leave your sweet mouth hanging empty like that" itadori coo at you as he swipe your drool with his finger before sucking it into his mouth, you glace at his hard cock that he was stroking precum leaking out of his reddish head, you moan out as you feel sukuna rock into you faster, causing your body to crash into itadoris from the force.

you feel his cock at your lips, and you immediately open your mouth wider welcoming him, lazily licking the head before slurping it into your mouth, focusing on it, coating it with your spit.

itadoris thighs shake, the way your tongue licked up his sensitive clit had him close to cumming undone, just as close as sukuna was.

"fill down her throat, I'm going to fucking fill this ass of hers" sukuna groan out as he slaps your ass with his other two hands, gripping your cheeks and spreading them wide to take a good look at how your tight ass was hungrily taking his fat cock.

your moan vibrate into itadoris huge cock and that has him spilling his hot cum down your throat with a loud moan, his brother soon follow him, filling your ass with every single last drop.

"fucking." thrust.

"take." thrust.

"it." thrust.

"all." thrust.

your mind was blank, every single hole of yours was filled with their cum- leaking with their cum, your body was twitching.

sukuna lean in to kiss your clit, while itadori kiss your nose. maybe after all they did have something in common.

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ end ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ

: ̗̀➛ part 1 is 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

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oreo-creampie · 1 year ago

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𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐬

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff, period cramps, suguru takes a bath with you, they all refuse to let you walk, pouty reader with Kento because I for one am emotional over tiny things during that time and kento being sweet with me would be everything, making s’mores with Satoru, full of kisses adoration and cuddles, for when you need cuddles and a bath, nap and cuddles or chocolate and cuddles

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧: Hi! May I request Suguru with a fem aligned reader (if u do write that but if not, gn is also ok!) who is on their monthly cycle? cramps r hell rn and I need some comfort.

Oreo: Hope this helps 🫶🏽 sorry I couldn't get this out sooner, I wanted to do more characters because I've been in the mood for some comfort too

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮

Slowly peeling the covers back, gently lifting you off the bed, cradling you to his chest. “Poor Princess, I hate seeing you like this.” You grimace, furrowing your brows. “Sorry my love for moving you.” Covering your cheek in soft kisses.

He doesn't stop until you’re smiling from the sweet attack. “Got our bath ready, the warmth and water should help ease the flow.” Getting lost in his captivating tender warm chocolate eyes.

“Our bath?”

The softness of his voice soothing. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't hold you when you’re cramping? I was thinking I would wash us off afterward, carry you back to bed.” Kissing his hard pec, resting your head against his warm chest, closing your eyes.

You’ve never had someone talk to you with such gentle kindness, look at you with such adoring love or tenderly touch you until Suguru. “You’re better than I deserve.”

“You deserve only the best, and I'm going to give it to you.” Carefully sitting you down on a towel covering the counter protecting you from the cold. Holding your arms up for Suguru to slip the baggy shirt off.

Lifting you off the counter, steadying you on your feet. “You are the best.”

“That’s why I’m your’s.” Pushing your underwear down, for you to step out of. Kissing above your pubic line, gently rubbing in soft circles where you’re cramping the most. After a year of living together he knows your body well.

Using paper tissues to toss your pad in the trash. Lifting you off your feet, cradling you lowering you into the warm, bubble bath. It's the perfect temperature, the water lapping at the back of your neck easing some of your head’s tension.

The bubbles reaching above your head, you have to make a small space otherwise be consumed whole. “You look beautiful and cozy.” Letting out a gentle sigh, the warmth and muscular relaxer soothing your aches.

“This is wonderful, thank you darling.” Suguru slips his sweats down, folding them up to set on the counter. Leaning forward he whips his feet off in the mat, stepping in behind. Carefully sitting down, pulling you into his lap.

Closing your eyes resting your head listening to the music. His chest rumbles when he sings, “Whatever words I say I will always love you, I will always love you, whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again.” Kissing the top of your head.

“Your voice sounds like heaven. I want to record you singing, I can listen to it to fall asleep when you’re working late.” Looking up at Suguru’s face, he smiling down at you.

The soft curve of his lips, the love in his eyes, this is what it’s like to be treasured by someone. “Which songs do you want me to sing for you my love?”

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨

Resting on his chest, eyes closed listening to Kento’s comforting voice reading. “Traveling down the thin winding path, not yet reclaimed by the forest’s growth. Breaking into a small clearing, displaying a partly dilapidated house. Part of the original brick structure standing tall still.” He pauses to flip the page, looking down at you.

Smiling at how you’d fallen asleep on his chest. Grabbing the long thin bookmark you gotten him. Slipping it between the pages, closing the book, setting it aside.

Checking the heating pad, gently making sure it's in place. Carefully lifting the blanket over you, covering you up to your neck. Slipping his glasses off, laying his head down on the pillow behind him. Closing his eyes and enjoying the peace of the moment.

Your cramps had been persisting all morning, at last you were comfortable enough to fall asleep. He loves your soft warm body resting in top of his. The safety in knowing you’re protected, happy and at peace.

The sun has set by the time Kento wakes up. “My love?” Kissing the top of your head. Massaging your stomach and sides. “Wake up I need to get dinner started, I'll get you cozy in the bed with the heading pad.” He peels the blanket back, grabbing the now cold heading pad setting it aside.

Shifting on top of him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Kento carefully fixes the blanket on yo. Wrapping his arm around you, slowly standing up. “What are you craving?”

Pouting whining in frustration, “I dunno! I'm hungry but I don't know what I want. I don't want you to leave me alone.” Cupping the back of your head, swiping his thumb in small circles. His gentle touch soothing your emotional turmoil.

“Take out it is you can look at what you want and take your time there’s no rush. I'll carrying you to and from the door to get the food.” Nudging the bedroom door open with his foot. He knows the bedroom by memory.

Carrying you with one arm, pulling the covers back, laying you down then flicks on the lamp. “We need to make sure we get you something yummy.” Kento kisses your forehead. “Lemme get your heating pad and my phone.”

Kento isn't gone long coming back into the room. He’s beautiful with his blond hair falling across his thin framed glasses. You like them more than his green and silver ones that hide the beautiful dark coffee brown shade of his warm, gentle, tired eyes.

Slipping into underneath the covers, holding his arms out for you to climb slowly onto his lap. Resting your chest on his chest craving the skin to skin.

Placing the heating pad on your stomach, grabbing the near by covers and covering you both. “Comfortiable beautiful?”

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮

You have a wonderful view of Satoru in a tight black shirt splitting open firewood with a wooden axe. You’d insisted a cabin in the woods because you pouted about being around other people was a bit extreme. Now that you’re here with no one else but Satoru for miles around it’s peaceful and necessary.

The view of his arms flexing when bringing the axe through the wood catching your attention. Almost distracting you from the monthly fit your body is throwing from not getting knocked up by Satoru.

Loading the logs into the pit. He points his fingers at it, looks up at the window and smiles. Could he really spark the firepit without destroying the ground around it?

You eyes widen. There’s a flash of light and boom fire errupts from the pit. Arching towards the sky, settling down, gradually getting lower as it consumes the wooden logs.

Blowing off the his finger gun proud of himself. Then vanishing out of site as he comes into the cabin. Slipping back outside covering the bench in several blankets and the throw pillows from the sofa. The bringing out a plate with a roasting stick.

Dipping back into the house Satoru bursts into the bedroom, grinning widely. “It’s s’mores time! Cuddles, a crackling fire underneath the stars your wonderful boyfriend feeding you chocolate you might be cramping but that has to help a little right?

“Can’t think anything sweeter, other than getting some kisses from my Sugarbear.” Satoru climbs onto the bed, hovering over you carefully not to let his weight crush you. Softly kissing your nose, cheeks, forehead and lips. You can feel his smile in the gentle curve of his lips.

Wrapping your legs around him, parting your lips for his tongue. You crave Satoru’s slow, sweet romantic kisses more than air. Slipping your fingers through his short undercut into his fluffy hair.

Squeezing your sides lifting you off the bed. Refusing to break away, he’s lost in your soft lips whimpering into the kiss. Carrying you through the door, slowly sliding his hand up and down your back, cupping your ass.

Pulling away you need to breathe, resting your head on his chest. Shivering from the cool fall air, nuzzling your head into Satoru’s neck, kissing him gently.

“Your kisses are sweeter than any treat I could buy.” Satoru sits down with you straddling his lap. Picking up the roasting fork, its tip having been resting on a plate next to some marshmallow, a chocolate bar and some Graham crackers.

“Cheesy!” Leaning back enough to admire Satoru’s handsome face. Kissing his cheek.

He passes the roasting stick to his other hand. Squeezing your between his arms when he sticks a fluffy marshmellow onto it’s tip. “It’s true! The way you kiss me is so sweet and loving, it makes my heart beat faster every time. I can't stop kissing you, it's getting worse. Everytime I see you I want to cover you in kisses, hold you close and never let you go!”

Oreo creampie m.list

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algae-tm · 8 months ago

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SUMMER LOVIN’

Charles Leclerc x Reader

You and Charles fall in love in St.Lucia (one shot)

Warnings: none?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

INSTAGRAM

youruser

liked by yourbffuser, and 124 others

youruser: you think you just fell out of a coconut tree???🥥

view all comments

yourbffuser: HELLO??!! Who is the man????

- youruser: what man?

- yourbffuser: now i KNOW you aren’t serious. in the second pic!!!!

- youruser: oh him… that’s pookie 😋🤭

- yourbffuser: count your motherfuckin days

yoursisteruser: you collect white men like pokemon smh

- youruser: gotta catch ‘em all!! 😏😤

-yoursisteruser: sigh

charles_leclerc just posted

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charles_leclerc: St. Lucia 🌊☀️

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user1: why is he so boyfriend coded in the 2nd pic?

- user2: don’t be alarmed bestie but it might have something to do with the literal girl he’s holding hands with in the 3rd pic…

landonorris: is this what the youth call a soft launch?

-charles_leclerc: you are the youth

carlossainz55: ay who’s the girl?

— charles_leclerc: No one and everyone

— user1: wtf does this mean 😭 😭

— user5: why is this simultaneously the dumbest yet most romantic thing I’ve ever read, and I have a boyfriend 😭

— user6: girl- tell your boyfriend to step up or leave him… the bar is in literal hell. — user7: bro releases a couple songs and thinks he’s cool and mysterious

youruser just posted

liked by yourbffuser, and 129 others

youruser: cute solo travel idea- get a man to take you places

view all comments

yourbffuser: two posts with the same guy? I fear we’ve lost her

- youruser: NOOOO I’m still a bad bitch, I’m licensed and everything!!

- yoursisteruser: heartbreaker turns into lover girl… story for the ages

yoursisteruser: who is he???? Your fans want to know!!

—youruser: just a cute monegasque

—yoursisteruser: is that a cheese or something?

— youruser: a place apparently… he gets stroppy when I call him French 🤷🏾‍♀️

charles_leclerc just posted

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charles_leclerc: summer lovin’ happened so fast

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user4: two posts with what I’m guessing is the same girl… please twitter users starts sleuthing!!

— user5: or, hear me out, bit of a wild suggestion, just let them be?

— user3: do you think they were together b4, or he found her on holiday??

— user4: wait holdup I didn’t even think of the possibility that this could be just a vacation romance you’re so right @user3

— user5: why do I even bother with these people

pierregasly: day 67895 of asking you to tell me who she is!!

— user53: lmao Pierre is one of us confirmed

— user43: close! He actually knows Charles personally so no he isn’t one of you

— user53: now what did I do to you? 😭

youruser just posted

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youruser: bye bye bye you were bigger than the whole sky…

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yourbffuser: oh pooks

yoursisteruser: glad to know you have a heart

— youruser: bite me

— yourbffuser: time and place, bestie @yoursisteruser

MESSAGES

SIX MONTHS LATER

MESSAGES

3 MONTHS LATER

INSTAGRAM

charles_leclerc just posted

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charles_leclerc: mine mine mine mine mine mine mine

(tagged youruser)

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lewishamilton: nice to see it brother! You know what they say

— youruser: once you go black!

— lewishamilton: I was gunna say the course of true love never did run smooth…

— youruser: mine works better!!

— user4: lmao she’s hilarious

— user5: and just as chaotic as Charles 😭 they’re made for eachother

—user6: idk I think he needs someone more introverted… she’s attention seeking (this user was blocked by charles_leclerc)

—charles_leclerc: blocked 🤭😙

—youruser: my man, my man, my man!

landonorris: she’s gorgeous

— charles_leclerc: why do you live to cause me distress??

georgerussell63: blimey, was only yesterday you told us you never got her number

— maxverstappen1: very stupid

— danielricciardo: Max be nice

— maxverstappen1: sorry

carlossainz55: well done cabron!

youruser: mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine

arthur_leclerc: she’s lovely

— charles_leclerc: isn’t she just

•••••••••••••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

#charles leclerc smau #f1 smau #charles leclerc x black!reader #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x reader #formula 1 smau #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #formula one smau #f1 fic #f1 x you #f1 x black!reader

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girlgenius1111 · 8 months ago

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revelations

alexia + león!r's secret relationship comes to light no warnings! enjoy 🫶🏻

-------

“Ale!” You shouted, scrolling frantically through your phone, through photo after photo of you and Alexia at the beach the other day. They all bordered on too friendly, or at least they seemed that way to you. The panic in your tone was clear, and Alexia felt her stomach drop in the bedroom. She’d been putting away some laundry when you’d shouted for her, but she was running towards you without a second thought.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” she asked, sliding in her socks on the hardwood floor slightly as she made it into the living room. You looked okay, physically, although your face was contorted with anxiety and fear.

Wordlessly, you held your phone out towards her. Alexia crossed the room in two long strides, grabbing the phone and beginning to scroll. “Oh.” She said.

And if you had been anxious before, it was nothing compared to how you felt now. Was she upset with you? The beach had been your idea, your terrible, terrible idea. Alexia looked upset, and your thoughts began to spiral further. Did she not want anyone to know about your relationship for more reasons than just being afraid of your sister? Was she really not as into you as you thought and going public would be a mess that wasn’t worth it? Did she really even love you?

“Amor?” Alexia said. You looked up at her, seeing her brows furrowed as she gazed down at you. You realized she had said your name a few times, but you’d been too lost in your own head to notice. “Talk to me.” Her voice was gentle as she took a seat next to you, dropping your phone onto the sofa and taking your hand in hers.

Alexia knew how you could be, and the best thing she could do for you when you got anxious was just listen. Sometimes you could talk yourself down, and other times she’d do it for you, but having her listen without judgment always seemed to help, at least a little bit.

“Are you upset about the photos?” You asked, instead of listing out every insecurity that had just popped into your head. Alexia did not know how deeply unworthy of her you felt, and she never would if you could help it.

Your girlfriend thought for a minute. “Not upset about the photos. I am… upset because you are upset.”

“You aren’t mad that I made us go to the beach?”

“Amor, you did not make us do anything. We just went to the beach. We are allowed to do that. I am upset that you are so anxious, I am not upset with you.”

“People are going to see these, Alexia.”

“I know that. We’ll deal with it, however you want.”

You chewed on your lip for a minute. “And if I wanted to tell people? About us?” You asked, voice small and hesitant. Alexia felt her heart melt as she gently cupped your cheek, tilting your face to look at her.

“Then we’d tell people. If that is what you want, that is what we will do. I understand why we are keeping it to ourselves, but I would also be very happy for everyone to know that you are mine.”

“Really?”

“Really. I just want you to be happy. That is all I want, and all I need. You, with a beautiful smile on your face.” Alexia whispered, leaning in and very softly pressing a kiss to your lips.

You were a puddle of mush on the sofa at this point, tucking your face into Alexia’s neck and taking a few calming breaths. She held you carefully, as she always did incredibly content to sit with you until you felt better. If Mapi killed her when she found out, oh well. At least she’d gotten a whole year with you first.

-------

“Hermanita, I am just saying, I can find you a date. It’s been so long since you’ve gone out with anyone.” Mapi was practically shouting, even though the volume in the club wasn’t very loud. She was excited, though, as she always was when she talked about your love life. Your sister was very famous for setting you up with girls, and once you got to know them more, decided they weren’t good enough for you. Which was part of the reason, you and Alexia had yet to tell your sister this was going on.

“No, Mapi.” You said for what felt like the hundredth time, rolling your eyes good naturedly, even as you felt Alexia’s hand grip onto your upper thigh under the table. You peeked at her out of the corner of your eye. Her jaw was set tightly, and you could feel the jealousy coming off her in waves at even the mention of you going on a date with someone else. Mapi was too caught up in listing off people she could set you up with to notice.

Alexia and you were both very tense. Ever since the pictures of you both at the beach had been released, you’d been walking on eggshells around your teammates, wanting to give them nothing that could lead them to believe you were anything more than friends. You’d decided to tell, yes. But you didn’t want people finding out through the pictures, or through walking in on you and Alexia making out in the showers after training. You’d been lucky, so far. No one had brought them up. And so, you hadn’t really thought anyone had taken the leaked pictures seriously. Your teammates definitely hadn’t, but it appeared that some of the fans had. Some of Alexia’s fans, specifically.

This became clear when one of the girls who had been practically glaring at you across the bar all night finally made her approach. Alexia had left your side for just a minute to get you water, always one to push hydration. Your teammates were scattered throughout the bar, and Ingrid and Mapi were only a couple feet away, talking quietly to each other, small smiles on both of their faces.

The girl was by your side very suddenly, almost startling you. She was clearly drunk, but the boldness and anger with which she spoke still shocked you.

“I can’t believe Alexia Putellas would date you. You are not good enough for her. She should be with Jenni, or someone prettier than you. You’re wasting her time.” She slurred, each word feeling like a stab to your already very insecure heart.

You stepped away from her, hearing Pina come to your defense from somewhere next to you, telling the girl to fuck off. Turning around, you almost ran directly into your sister, who had risen along with her girlfriend at the strange girl’s outburst. Her face was contorted with confusion, clearly having heard what the fan had to say. Your reaction spoke volumes, the way your eyes were flooded with tears, and your chest was already beginning to rise and fall rapidly.

It was true, Mapi realized. In the time it took her to come to that conclusion, you were off, sprinting towards the bathroom. They were single bathrooms, thank god, and you made it inside quickly, not bothering to lock the door behind you.

She was right. That girl was right. How could you ever think you were good enough for Alexia. Sweet, beautiful, perfect Alexia. The best person you’d ever known.

It was one of the worst panic attacks you’d had in years, and by the time Mapi slipped in through the bathroom door, you were pretty far gone, only able to hear a faint ringing sound, only able to claw desperately at your chest.

“Hermana, hermana, breathe, you are okay,” Mapi tried, reaching to grab your hand. You only wheezed in response, and Mapi realized you weren’t hearing her. Your sister looked around rather helplessly, her unspoken plea for help being answered almost instantly.

The door opened and in came Ingrid, closely followed by a very frantic Alexia. As soon as the captain spotted you, though, her attention was stolen, no longer thinking about the implications of everyone finding out about your relationship. She was at your side on the filthy floor of the bathroom within a second, carefully grabbing your face in between her hands, and tilting it up towards her.

“I am here, mi amor, I am right here. You have to breathe, cariño, let yourself breathe.”

Alexia, too, realized you weren’t really hearing anything she had to say, so she switched tactics, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you in until your head was resting against her chest. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Ingrid tugging a resistant Mapi out the door of the bathroom, but Alexia only cared for you in that moment.

“I have you, my beautiful girl. I love you, more than anything. Everything is okay. You are safe.”

You managed to come back into yourself, your girlfriend’s voice in your ear the most comforting thing you’d ever heard. You looked up at her, tugging her as close to you as possible, needing to feel more of her. “Ale” you whimpered, watching her face crumble at the sound of her name.

Alexia hated seeing you like this. “Mi preciosa.” She soothed. “I love you, my girl, I love you so much. You are okay.”

Your insecurities quieted for a moment, in favor of something else flooding your mind. Mapi knew. Mapi knew. That her little sister was dating her best friend. You’d seen it on her face, when you turned around to flee the scene. She’d known.

You’d talked about telling Mapi, yes, but now that she knew… you were terrified. What if she was upset? What if it ruined your relationship with your sister, or her relationship with her best friend? What if she made Alexia break up with you?

Your girlfriend could tell very easily that you were spiraling, barely having calmed down in the first place.

“Hey, come back to me. I’m right here, mi amor. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Alexia whispered, her face so close to yours that all you could really see were her eyes, squinted with worry.

You gripped onto her shirt tightly with both your hands. “Mapi knows,” you told her, ridiculously afraid of her reaction.

Alexia nodded slowly. “Ingrid told me when she came and got me. It’s okay, mi amor. We will deal with it.”

“But what if-”

“No what if’s. Tell the what ifs to go away. Just focus on calming down.” Alexia insisted, pressing a light kiss to your cheek. “Can you do that for me?”

You nodded shakily. “Yeah. Just… stay here?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” She promised, tightening her arms around you. “I’m staying right here, with you.”

-------

Alexia got you up once you’d calmed down further, protectively wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and headed for the exit. As soon as you were both out of the bathroom, though, you were met with the sight of your sister pacing very aggressively around the little hallway just outside the door. Her head snapped up when the door opened, and Ingrid had to hold on to the back of her shirt to stop her from lunging at you, and pulling you into a hug.

She squirmed in Ingrid’s grasp, huffing impatiently, all the while staring daggers at you. You searched her gaze for anger, but you only saw worry.

“María,” Alexia began, pulling you in closer to her side. Mapi didn’t appreciate that, Alexia acting like you needed to be protected from her, and her face turned cloudy.

“No. Alexia. No. How long has this been going on?” Mapi asked, her teeth gritted in a sudden flare of anger. You didn’t deserve to be kept a secret, and that’s exactly what Alexia had done to you.

“María, amiga, I understand you have questions, I do, but your sister is really shaken up, and I’d like to take her home. She gets overstimulated after panic attacks, she shouldn’t be in here.”

Mapi floundered for a minute, filled only with concern for you, tucked away against Alexia’s side.

“María, I just want to go home. We can talk tomorrow.” You said, your voice stuttering over your words. You were still anxious, still shaking, and all you wanted was to go home with your girlfriend, where it was quiet and safe and you could be entirely surrounded by Alexia.

Ingrid squeezed your sister’s hand, and Mapi nodded to herself. “Okay, yeah. Okay hermana. I love you. Take care of her, please, Ale.”

“Of course. I love her, María. I’ve got her.”

Mapi watched as Alexia looked down at you, the softest expression she’d ever seen on her captain’s face.

“Home, mi amor?”

“Yes please.” You whispered. “Your apartment.”

“Whatever you want, my girl.” She promised, before leading you in the direction of the exit.

Mapi had never seen either of you like this. So evidently in love. So happy. And she felt stupid for missing it, and even worse that you’d both felt the need to hide it from her. She turned to Ingrid with tears in her eyes, to which her girlfriend sighed softly.

“Come here.” Ingrid whispered, drawing her girlfriend close to her chest.

“Am I a bad sister? A bad friend? Why wouldn’t they tell me?” Mapi mumbled. Ingrid shook her head.

“No, you are a good sister and a good friend. You have an overprotective streak, María, they probably just wanted to give themselves time together before they told you.” Ingrid assured her.

“I don’t like not knowing things.” Mapi complained quietly.

Ingrid chuckled. “I know you don’t, María min. Now you know, though. And you can talk to them about it tomorrow. We can go to Ale’s and have a conversation.”

“Yeah. Oh god. EW.” Mapi said, quickly growing very disgusted.

“What?” Ingrid wondered, pulling back in concern.

Mapi looked nauseous. “They are sleeping at Alexia’s house together.”

“Maybe your sister is sleeping on the couch.” Ingrid suggested helpfully.

Mapi grinned up at her. “I love you.”

-------

Alexia barely let you out of her grasp the whole way to the car, and the whole drive home. She kept your hand held tightly in hers. Somewhere in your head, you knew very well that when you were anxious, it made Alexia anxious, but you didn’t have it in you to say anything that would let her know you were okay. You weren’t okay, and you weren’t even really sure you could speak at all. You were much calmer now, physically, but your mind was still a mess. You were shaking, and you did your best to focus on Alexia’s thumb running soothingly over the back of your hand.

Before you knew it, Alexia’s free hand was lightly stroking your cheek, and you looked over at her to realize you had arrived at her home.

“Hi.” She said softly, her hazel eyes earnestly looking into yours. Alexia really did love to watch out for you, even before you were together. She’d always kept an eye on you, at first because you were her best friends’ sister. Eventually, though, she found herself watching you when she didn't have a reason to. And you’d gaze at her right back.

“Hey.” You replied, giving her the best smile you could manage, although it was sure to be very weak and unconvincing.

“Feeling better?”

You shrugged. “A bit.”

Alexia sighed, seeing through your lie, but she smiled at you anyway, kissing your cheek and getting out of the car. She was around the car in a flash, opening the door and offering you a hand.

Once you were in the house, Alexia instructed you to sit on the couch and wait for her to return. You tried to relax into the couch, tried to get your mind off what the girl in the bar had said to you. You don’t think you were very successful, because Alexia was back in what felt like 3 seconds, though she had her hands full.

“Okay. Water, crackers, your medicine and a sweatshirt. And that fun pokey ring.” She said, dumping everything onto the table in front of you, handing the sweatshirt to you first. It was one of hers, one of your favorites, and you pulled it on quickly, trying to covertly inhale the scent of her all over the fabric. Alexia very dutifully handed you the water next. You smiled at her gratefully, eating a few crackers and taking your anxiety medicine. You turned to her, prepared to tell her what had happened as you knew she was probably dying to know, but she turned back to the table, grabbing the acupressure ring. She gently took your hand, sliping the ring onto your finger, smiling to herself when your skin erupted in goosebumps at the sensation.

“Better now?” She asked, lacing her fingers with yours. You nodded, this time telling the truth. “Can you tell me what happened please?”

You nodded again, this time a bit more hesitantly. You didn’t really want to tell her what the girl had said, but you knew you had no choice. “What did Ingrid tell you?”

“She said someone said something to you about me. And that Mapi heard, and knew we were together.”

You thought for a moment. You were a bit torn on how to feel now. On one hand, Alexia had been so entirely perfect, the whole night. She’d gone out of her way to make you feel safe and help you calm down. Your insecurities really didn’t know any bounds, though, and you were still half convinced that the girl had been right.

“What did she say to you?” Alexia wondered, after it was clear you were having a hard time finding the words.

You took a deep breath, tearing your eyes away from your girlfriends as you responded. “She said that she couldn’t believe you were with me. That you should be with someone better, someone prettier. And that I’m wasting your time.”

Alexia was silent for almost an entire minute, long enough for you to look up at her and try to gauge her reaction. She finally spoke when she made eye contact with you. “And you… you believed her? You think she was right?” She asked.

“Do you?” You countered, trying to sound stronger and more confident in her answer than you felt.

“No.” Alexia said, exasperation clear in her voice. “I do not. You are perfect for me. I do not need anyone else, and I do not want anyone else.”

“Right.” You whispered, blinking hard. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have believed her I just-”

“You do not need to apologize for feeling bad that someone said something horrible to you.” Alexia replied, resting her hand under your chin and tilting it up towards her face when you wouldn’t look at her yourself. “I would never be mad at you for being insecure, mi amor. I understand. It just means I do not tell you enough how much I love you.”

“You tell me so often.” You laughed, and Alexia smiled sadly down at you.

“Well, I need to tell you more.” She reiterated, leaning down to brush her lips to yours. “I love you.” She moved her lips to your cheek. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” She continued, pressing kisses to every inch of your face, repeating the words in between every kiss. When she pulled away, whispering a final I love you against your lips, you were quite sure that you believed her. And that you’d never felt more loved in your life.

-------

“Please come with me.” Mapi begged from the passenger seat.

Ingrid smiled sympathetically. “No, this is something you need to do yourself.”

“My sister gets to have her girlfriend there.” Mapi said grumpily.

“Your sister’s girlfriend is part of the conversation.”

Mapi sighed, turning slightly more serious. “Ingrid, I don’t know what to say.”

“You aren’t the one doing the talking yet, elskling. Hear them out. And then tell them what you think.”

“Right. Okay. I can do this.”

“You can do this.” Ingrid agreed, before unbuckling her girlfriend’s seatbelt for her, as it seemed she wasn’t quite going to take the first step. It was almost entertaining, watching Mapi move like a snail as she grabbed her phone and slowly, slowly, got out of the car.

-------

“They’ve been in the driveway for like 7 minutes.” You noted, leaning your head on Alexia’s shoulder.

She sipped her coffee, smiling slightly as she gazed out the window with you. “Maybe she is picking out the weapon she is going to kill me with.”

“Don’t say that.” you groaned, wacking your girlfriend on the arm.

“I am just kidding, amor. She isn't going to kill me, or you. It’s all going to be fine.”

You didn’t say anything in response. All you could think was that you hoped to god she was right.

------

You’d never seen Mapi so reserved, as she walked through Alexia’s door, and took a seat in the big armchair. You sat on the couch next to Alexia, much farther away than you would have normally sat next to her, but you were trying to ease your sister into this whole thing.

It was awkwardly silent as you all sat looking at each other for a minute, none of you really knowing where to start or what to say.

“How long?” Mapi asked eventually, fixing her gaze on Alexia.

“A year.” You said quietly, the significant amount of time not making you feel any less guilty.

“A year?” Mapi breathed, looking between the two of you incredulously.

“A year last week.” Alexia confirmed. She shifted slightly, sliding her foot across the floor so that her sock squished against yours. Your girlfriend was nervous, you realized.

“Why… why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I understand if this was new and you weren’t telling anyone, but it’s been a year. You’ve never dated anyone for longer than a month, hermanita, why would you keep this from me?”

Alexia opened her mouth to reply, but you recognized the question was directed at you and your sister would not appreciate your girlfriend speaking for you.

“At first, we just wanted to see where things were going. And then… I don’t know. It was just easier not to tell. We didn’t have to deal with anyone’s reactions or opinions that didn’t matter-”

“My opinion does not matter?” Mapi interjected, frowning sadly at you.

“Of course it does, María, I just… I wanted to decide this for myself. Without you being for it or against it, I wanted to decide how I felt about Alexia before anyone told me how I should feel.” You explained, relieved when your sister nodded slightly.

“Me too.” Alexia tacked on, wincing slightly when you stomped on her foot a bit, though her face fell further when Mapi turned to her with a cold glare.

“You have been keeping my sister a secret from everyone. Are you ashamed of her?”

“María!” You yelped, looking horrified at her.

Alexia remained calm, though, keeping steady eye contact with your sister. “No. She is the most important thing to me. We decided to keep it a secret together. I would have told the whole world that I loved her the minute I knew, if it would have made sense. People are still insane about me and Jenni, though, and I did not want her to get caught in the crossfire. It was just easier for both of us if no one knew.”

Mapi looked slightly less angry now.

“We were going to tell you. Next week at brunch, we were going to tell you, Mapi, I promise, this just happened first, and…”

“What that girl said to her,” Mapi began, again looking at your girlfriend with a slightly accusatory expression.

“Is false. Completely and entirely false. I want your sister, and her only. No one else.” Alexia spoke with conviction, and you felt a small smile on your face before you could stop it.

Mapi nodded thoughtfully, then fixed her attention on you. “And you are happy?”

“Yeah. I’m really happy, Mapi.”

“And you? You are happy?” She asked, again looking at Alexia.

“Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.” Your girlfriend said honestly, though you could see the tips of her ears turning slightly red; Alexia never had been good at expressing her feelings.

“Okay then.” Mapi said. “If you are both happy, then I am happy.”

“Really?” You asked, looking skeptically at your sister. She normally made things much more difficult than this.

Mapi just rolled her eyes. “Of course. You are both adults, and I trust you. I don’t think many people are good enough for you, hermanita, but if anyone is… it’s Ale. I guess.” She added the last part when Alexia looked close to tears. They weren’t expressive friends, normally showing their appreciation for each other through actions rather than words.

You stood, walking over to your sister and pulling her into a tight hug. “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, María, but I’m really really glad you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you.” Mapi said gruffly, ruffling your hair like she used to do when you were much younger. As you flattened it back down with an annoyed look thrown at your sister, Alexia moved forward, pulling her best friend into a hug.

When Mapi whispered in her ear, Alexia wasn’t surprised at all. “If you hurt her, I will tear you limb from limb, Putellas. I mean it.”

Alexia knew she did.

And she had every intention of never hurting you, for as long as she lived. The ring she’d brought way too soon that sat in her sock drawer was evidence of that. The baby names she sometimes thought of when she lay awake at night were evidence. The way she looked at you, though, like you lit up every corner of her life, was the best evidence.

When Alexia tugged you into a hug next, Mapi knew from the way that her friend looked at you, that this was different. This was going to be forever. You were happy, and you were with her best friend, and there wasn’t much of a problem your sister could have with that. If you got married and changed your name to Putellas, though. That’s where she’d draw the line.

------

hope you enjoyed 🙂

#woso imagine #woso x reader #woso one shot #woso fanfics #alexia putellas x reader #león!reader #barcelona femeni x reader

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v4mp-re · 24 days ago

Text

𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲

SUMMARY: When your childhood best friend Theodore Nott sleeps with you one night, your feelings for him over complicate the delicacy of the situation. ᴛʀᴏᴘᴇ: childhood bestfriend! Theodore Nott x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

T.W: Angst, mentions of lost of parental figure (mother), commitment issues, implications of sex, mentions of the word "porn", mentions of smoking, drinking and promiscuity, the word "fat" used with slight negative connotation, google translated Italian. ᴅɪᴠɪᴅᴇʀ: @cafekitsune

It was as if all hell broke loose.

Ever since you've been young, your memories have been stained with that of the presence of your best friend, Theodore Nott. Influential pureblood families had to stick together, that and it just so happened that your mothers were good friends. You were about 5 when news of his mother's death came around, still remembering the tear stained cheeks belonging to none other than him.

That was the only time you'd seen him cry before.

The two did everything together, from getting their Hogwarts acceptance letters to getting sorted into the same house and forming a friend group of their own.

The group worked as sort of a combination of both your close friend groups, yours consisting of Pansy and Astoria and his of Mattheo and Lorenzo. It was just the 6 of them for a while until Pansy introduced Draco, who brought Blaise with him, and eventually joined the group as well.

Things changed in 5th year.

What at first seemed like Theodore reconnecting with his mother's death and coming to terms with it, turned into smoking, obsessive drinking and even whoring around. It wasn't something you necessarily expected either, growing up, he was always that chubby kid that you'd befriend but always depised when it came his turn to sit on the swing. Now however, he was different. He had grown, obviously, but puberty laced with Mattheo's influence, shaped him into the man he is today. And as much as you hated to admit it, he was gorgeous.

Theodore Nott. The very boy you grew up with, was now this tall, rich, Italian pureblood, slytherin boy that every girl wanted to get with, far from the ''fat geeky kid'' he used to be.

So what else could he do other than to embrace it?He had never gotten this much attention before and it wasn't as if the girls of Hogwarts were all a pain to look at, plus, Mattheo had showed him enough porn to know what to do, right?

His inexperience wasn't known to you. Surely you thought he had slept with you with the intention of wanting to get together, afterall he was your bestfriend and you both knew each other practically your whole lives. So you took his drunken kiss as a confession, the way his hands slid into your hair, how his tongue slid itself into your mouth, down to the way he looked at you as you laid there bare for him for the first time.

You should have known better.

By the time you woke up, he was gone. His presence almost non existent, except for the faint smell of him still lingering in the air, the only indicator that what happened last night wasn't a wild dream of yours. You thought nothing much of it, getting ready when the sight of your skin littered with hickeys made you freeze. You weren't drunk but you weren't necessarily sober last night either, for it being both your first times, it surely didn't felt like it. Your bodies felt like they were made for each other, and in a way you were conviced you were too.

You got ready, making sure to cover up the bruises claiming your neck as you walked to the great hall. You had been friends long enough to know that Lorenzo's love for the school's food had rubbed off on the others as well. You knew exactly where to look.

Though the sight you were greeted with wasn't necessarily pleasant.

Sitting at where you usually did, was Daphne Greengrass, a gorgeous blonde slytherin that just so happened to be the same year as you guys. Theodore's arm drapped right across her shoulder.

Mattheo, whom was previously in a conversation with Theodore, spots you almost instantly. He smiles that charming grin he always carried, one that you grew to adore, before calling you over. Theodore doesn't even glance.

With your original seat currently occupied by a girl, of which none if them had ever talked to prior, you sat beside the spare spot near Mattheo, who immediately pulls you closer to him by your hips. A gesture you normally would pull away from, yet the sight of Theodore being so cozy with another girl after the night you too had together was a new kind of pain you wish you never knew.

The insistent giggles coming from Daphne felt like a knife getting plunged deeper and deeper into your chest, knowing that the reason for said giggles was the man beside her, so carelessly whispering in her ear as his hand played with her hair.

''You're awfully quiet.'' A voice that unmistakably belonged to no other than Lorenzo. His eyes ever so slightly flickering to the way Mattheo's hand was still snaked around your waist, in which his fingers were carefully drawing patterns against the fabric of your skirt.

''I'm just tired'' You spoke, a slight smile gracing your features though your words carried a certain innuendo to it, one only Theodore could pick up, one which he ignored so openly.

Mattheo's low chuckle unmistakable, his arms moving to wrap around your waist, head nuzzled in the spot between your neck and shoulder. His breath ghosting against the surface of your neck.

Your eyes flickered to Theo, who, would once immediately tell Mattheo off, now sat occupied with the pretty blonde. His eyes fixed on hers like she was the only person that mattered. The glimpses of the night prior, the way he looked at you, how he treated you with such care, now a fleeting memory.

You felt used. Like Theodore had taken advantage of your friendship together and used it as a cheap way to test out what he already knew. Toying with a lot more than you had let on.

It was then on that you decided to distance from the Italian, something he had barely noticed until he strolled into the potions classroom, after flirting with random girls throughout the whole duration of the morning, to an empty spot which you normally occupied.

It was abnormal to him, you were his potions partner, his seat mate that allowed him to copy off you on tests, the one person who could help him pass the class, yet there you were, sitting with Mattheo instead of him.

It wasn't as if finding a new seatmate was hard, almost immediately, a brunette ravenclaw sat beside him, her friends giggling from the seat behind her, but she wasn't you.

As the class went on, Theodore found himself looking your way. His eyes would linger on the way you ever so carefully measured the ingredients and placed them to the side, a gesture that his current partner didn't care to do. How you laughed when Mattheo so dropped the eye of newt in an attempt to flirt with you.

It infuriated Theodore, but god was he too stubborn to admit it.

The smell of alcohol reeked the common room, the blasting of the music through the speakers weighing heavily on the countless of sweaty, intoxicated teenagers present, all of which, unbothered by it.

Draco had thrown possibly the 4th party in the past 4 months, all of which, you had previously attended on Theodore's insistence. This time, it was on someone's insistence, though not his.

Heels clicking with every step, you weaved towards the familiar green leather couch situated in front of the fireplace. Spotting your usual friend group, all of which slightly drunk and possibly high.

Mattheo, ever the observant, spots you almost immediately.

''For a second there I thought you wouldn't show'' His voice laced with amusement, it was clear he had probably been drinking prior, the scent of alcohol lingering with every breath he took.

He doesn't await a response before wrapping his arm around your waist, an action that doesn't go unnoticed by Theodore Nott, who in turn, pushes off the slytherin girl who was previously seated on his lap, before abruptly standing up.

You knew better than to follow after him, that Theodore Nott was no longer any of your business, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't care about him anymore.

Moving out of Mattheo's grasp under the excuse of wanting a drink, you made your way to the one place you knew Theo would be.

Theodore knew you'd come after him, you always have. The clicking of your heels an echoing reminder of your fleeting friendship. The once obnoxiously loud music now muted by the glass of the common room balcony.

You knew he'd be there, he always was. "Why are you doing this to me?" He spoke, his gaze fixed on the moonlight that reflected off the black lake, now even darker. The only flicker of light coming from his lighter as he brings it to the cigarette hanging off his lips.

"Doing what Theodore?" You spoke, your tone unconsciously laced with irritation and an air of indifference to his dishriveled appearance.

He pulls the cigarette away from his mouth, letting out a trail of smoke in it's path.

"Cazzo. (fuck) You know what I mean! You and Mattheo! Mio Dio, mi sta facendo impazzire!" (My God, it's driving me crazy) He turns to face you and for the first time tonight, you catch a glimpse of his expression.

It's been years since you've seen Theodore Nott cry, and yet here he was.

He moves towards the lounge chair, sitting at the edge, cigarette long forgotten. His shoulders shake with the kind of sorrow that you've only ever saw once in your life, his face buried in his hands.

"È come se ti stessi perdendo." (It's like I'm losing you) He mumbles ever so slightly, looking up for the first time as his gaze catches yours.

You knew there was no turning back. With your resolved crumbling at the seams, you moved to sit beside him on the chair. "I can't lose you, né a Matteo, né a nessuno" (not to Mattheo, not to anyone)

His cheeks were tear-stained as he stared out toward the lake. The party music in the background had grown faint, almost as if the world itself had narrowed to just the two of you.

But you weren’t having it.

"This isn't fair. You can't just sleep with me and then act like nothing happened! You can't just toss me aside like I was nothing and then get mad when Mattheo suddenly takes interest in me!"

"I don't get why you're bringing up that night we slept together. non è stato un grosso problema." (it wasn't a big deal)

"It was a big deal!" Your voice cracked, the weight of your emotions pouring out with every word.

"And why’s that?!" he snapped back, his voice sharp and defensive, but there was something else there—something unspoken, trembling beneath his anger.

"Because I love you!" The confession tore from your chest like a wound finally bursting open, raw and unfiltered. For a moment, the world seemed to still, the air between you heavy with the gravity of what you’d just said.

He froze, his breath hitching as his eyes searched yours. You could see it—the flicker of vulnerability in the depths of his gaze, the way his jaw tightened as if trying to hold back a storm of emotions.

"You love me?" he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper now, as though the words were too fragile to say out loud.

"Yeah," your voice trembling but resolute. "I have loved you ever since first year, and it's killing me that you're pushing me away and acting like nothing happened!"

"Yeah, well, maybe I’m pushing you away because I don’t know how to stop myself from destroying everything good in my life!" he snapped, his voice breaking. He stood up abruptly, running a hand through his hair as he paced in frustration. "You think this is easy for me? You think I don’t hate myself every second for the way I treat you?"

"Then stop doing it!" you cried, standing as well, your voice trembling with anger and pain. "Stop acting like you’re some broken thing that can’t be fixed. I see you, Theo. I’ve always seen you. And you’re not broken—you’re scared. But so am I!"

He stopped pacing, his back to you, his shoulders tense. "You don’t understand," he muttered, his voice low.

"Then make me understand!" you pleaded, stepping closer, your heart hammering in your chest. "Tell me why it’s so hard for you to believe that I love you. I’ve seen the parts of you you’re too scared to show anyone else. And I’m still here, aren’t I?"

He let out a shaky breath, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of his own self-loathing was finally too much to carry. "I’m scared," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I’m scared of what happens if I let myself believe it—believe you. Because what if I lose you? What if I ruin it?"

"You’re already losing me," you said softly, tears slipping down your cheeks now. "Every time you push me away, every time you act like this—like we don’t matter—you’re losing me a little more."

For a moment, he said nothing, his gaze fixed on the ground. Then, slowly, he looked up, his eyes meeting yours with an intensity that made your breath hitch.

"I don’t want to lose you," he whispered, his voice cracking under the weight of his confession.

"Then stop pushing me away," you pleaded, taking another step closer. "Stop pretending you don’t feel this too."

He hesitated, his lips parting as if to argue, but then he closed the distance between you in one swift, desperate motion. His arms wrapped around you tightly, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he let himself break in your embrace.

"I’m sorry," he murmured against your shoulder, his voice muffled but filled with raw sincerity. "I’m so sorry."

And as you held him, feeling the tension slowly leave his body, you knew that this was the beginning—not an easy one, but one where neither of you would have to carry the weight alone anymore.

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